i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Two words: blizzard sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
