And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
