he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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