conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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