Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
