Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i need some magic done to my vagina
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize