no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
