i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
