Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
