I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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