why didn't you poke me back
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
