Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
