Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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