so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
