Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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