Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
