The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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