She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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