i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
