You made me cry and you don't even care
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
