Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
