So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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