I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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