i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize