Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
