I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
