If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
