I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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