Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
