how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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