the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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