Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
