I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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