You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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