Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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