i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
