did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
