it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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