I'm gonna have a badass scar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
