I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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