that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
