How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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