I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
