Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
