Christians are straight up FREAKS
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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