We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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