My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
