hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
