He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
