she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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