Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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