Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
