I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
