suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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