He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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