I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
