Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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