Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize