sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
