That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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