i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
