what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize