We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
