Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just threw up on my dentist
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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